A Life Journey

The crystal flower vase broke into pieces. O God, what is going on? It seemed like a bomb blast going on inside my house. I could hear the sound of Sneha breaking her bedroom mirror which her papa specially bought for her from Agra. I couldn’t withstand the voice of my only daughter shouting “I’ll die!!”. I could feel the pain in her words. She was crying for hours and hours.

“Sneha, please open the door. Please don’t make your mom cry. Please open the door my dear". I kept on knocking at her bedroom door. Finally Sneha opened the door. I was shocked to see my daughter in such a pathetic condition. Her white face turned reddish,mixed with tears and sweat, with shivering lips and eyes with no more tears left.

Suddenly it happened. She hugged me and cried, “Maa, please agree for my marriage with Peter. Please maa, I love him more than myself. I cannot live without him. I will die if he is not mine. Please agree for my marriage maa. Tell papa to agree. I can’t live without you and papa. But I need him too. Please maa…” . I stood speechless. I could feel the pain of part of myself, my daughter Sneha. I asked her only that single day for her mumma to think and she was ready to give me her whole lifetime.

That day I went to bed with thousands of questions in my mind. I know, if I take a decision her papa will give his full support. But what about the society. What about our relatives. Sneha is from a high class Brahmin family with high family status. We will be isolated by the society if they got married. O God what will I decide. Slowly I closed my eyes and my mind started to depart from me. It traveled back..30 years back….my school days.

Maya, the best student, first in studies, music, dance. Yes me Maya, the beautiful girl with lots of talent and daughter of one of the richest man in the society. The only thing that could drive me mad was Madhavan. Yes I was a great madhavan fan and ready to do anything to meet her favorite actor – simply a die hard fan of madhavan. It was during my 10^th standard a new admission came to our school, but not in my class. The 1^st day I met him was during our Onam exam. He sat near me. It was our last exam before the most awaited Onam vacation. When I 1^st saw him, I don’t know what force made me attracted to him. I kept on watching him.

The exams were over. The 10 days vacation started. I was not interested to play with my cousins, not interested in sadhya or even pookalam. The only thing in my mind was his face. But that time I don’t’ know anything about him, even his name. The only thing I knew was that this is what is known as infatuation. Only because he looked like madhavan I got attracted to him. Really childish. I know every teenage girl will be die hard fan of some celebrities. What will result after meeting a guy with same face cut will be an uncontrolled mind which happened in my case too. I was longing to go back to school.

Finally our school reopened. The marks were good as usual. Everyone was busy to compete with their classmates to grab away the rank. But I was searching for the face which made my mind out of control. Finally I found his division.

Days & months passed by. I got only a few chances to talk with him. Every moment with him was a treasure for me. But the only details I got were his name (Rohit Mathew) and his hobbies. Later I found him singing on our school day celebration. So the new detail was that he is a singer. The SSLC exams were about to start by that time. I started forgetting the stupid infatuation and started concentrating on my studies. The exams were over. I wanted to have a final talk with Rohit on the farewell day. But with pain I accepted the fact that he didn’t come to attend the farewell party.

Only after finishing the school days and the vacation started I recognized the fact that I was missing him like hell and it was not simply an infatuation. But now, the only thing left for me to do was to cry. I cried several nights and tried to forget him, which was a useless effort. After 2 months, another important phase of my life started. The higher secondary education which is gonna decide my future. I prayed hard to get an admission where Rohit is about to join. I don’t even know his phone number. I was longing to tell him that I love him.

+1 & +2 school days were colorful. Lots of new and good friends. Also that time tuition class meant everything for students. I and friends went to the same tuition class for maths, physics and chemistry. There I met lots of handsome guys. But the only face I searched was that of Rohit’s and the only name I wanted to hear was Rohit. I didn’t tell any of my friends about this, as I was not sure about whether I am so stupid to search for a guy everywhere I went. But I don’t know why I held him same in my heart.

Now years passed after I met Rohit. I entered my college life. Many of my friends had boyfriends that time and I had many boys as friends and they remained only as friends. I was not able to love anyone else other than Rohit. I felt the real meaning of true love by that time. It is not necessary that the person whom you love should be within your eyesight all the time. Also true love happens only once in a lifetime. Some will recognize it and succeeds. Some will misunderstand it as crush or infatuation. Also when we meet the one meant for us it is not necessary to talk with him to form a bond between hearts. Once the bond forms it is really hard to break and the pain is up to death.

6 years passed after I 1^st met Rohit. I liked many guys to whom I got attracted. But it was simply an attraction, not real love and had only short lifespan. I don’t know why I’m still waiting for him to tell my love. By that time I had a vague picture of his face in my mind. After all, I have seen him only 5 or 6 times. Now 6 years passed and the only 2 things I knew were that his name is Rohit and I still love him, searching for him, waiting for him .I started searching for him in social networks like orkut, facebook etc. But every time it ended up in tears. My college days were over. My parents started searching for a suitable partner for me. With tears I allowed them to do so. There was no other choice for me.

One day I accidentally saw his pic on facebook. My heartbeat increased, my hands became ice cold. I sat in front of my PC for hours like that. I don’t know the name of emotion I had that time, happy or sad or something else, after I saw the profile name as Rohit Mathew. I wanted to scan his profile completely but my dad started shouting my name. I was supposed to attend a marriage that day with my dad and I was getting late. Also my dad was thrilled to meet his friend whose son was about to wed that day.

The whole way I was dreaming about how to introduce myself to him after all the years. I don’t want to lose him this time. I wanted to tell him about the girl who was waiting for him all these years. He will become shocked. But I was also worried whether he has an affair with someone else. No, how can fate play with my emotions anymore. I was smiling and waiting for that special moment of proposing him.

We were a little late because of me. That was the 1^st time I’m attending a Christian wedding. I was angry because the prayers and ceremonies took long duration of time. Also the couple stood facing the priest. Otherwise I would have time pass watching the bride’s ornaments. The photo section started soon after the weeding. We were also asked to take a photo with the newly married couple. It was at that time I recognized the fact that the groom was none other than Rohit.

Smile please, the photographer asked me. Smile??? What does it mean? I stood paralyzed near Rohit while taking his marriage photo. How could I smile? The pain was horrible. The guy whom I loved, whom I waited for all these years stood beside me and his wife smiled at me. Even my tears hesitated to come out. Was it my mistake that I didn’t tell him my love on time or it was a mistake done by fate? I felt like the whole world is spinning with an unusual speed.

Smile please….the photographer again shouted at me. “Maa, what are you thinking? Smile na, it’s your daughter’s marriage” Sneha smiled at me holding my hand tightly. I looked into her eyes. “Nothing dear, I was just thinking about you” I told with my trembling voice.

Yes I agreed my daughter’s wish to marry the one she loves. I don’t want my daughter to suicide only because she loved someone. Love is always divine. It should not end up in pain and blood. I don’t want Sneha to feel the pain I felt long time ago. I don’t want her to shed tears lifelong only because she came from my womb. I’m proud that I am not giving my child to a Christian or a Hindu or a Muslim, but to the one who loves my child and the one whom she loves too.

I smiled, this time with my whole heart, with no tears, but full of happiness….

MAYA, 06-09-2036

***u may feel that there are some unwanted elements like madhavan and +1,+2 school days...but i thnk without these the story is incomplete...;)